Friday, April 20, 2007

Fake ID confiscation #5

Dear Ashley Hey-r,

There was no way you could've known. You had this really astoundingly good Maryland fake ID, and you were on a date with a boy who was over 21 and would show you the world of beer. Except, one hitch, me.

Something seemed wrong. Maybe it was the way the hologram reminded me of iridescent paper I had used once at an art studio, maybe it was how my old Maryland license had a bump where the rather ghetto real hologram was- and yours didn't.

So I asked you for a back-up ID. It was a NYU undergrad ID. Never the fool I asked, where did you go to high school? You replied, actually I went to school in Iowa.


No one from Pikesville goes to school in Iowa. I know, because I went to school with half of Pikesville. It's a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, which would also bring into question that altruistic organ donor choice. And the road, oh Ash, you couldn't have known that only rural or inner city (DC) roads are labeled like that. You definitely couldn't have guessed that I knew the road naming patterns from Pikesville, because I drove home so many kids from my high school, and developers are never creative.

You jumped to the rescue with, it's the new Maryland ID, and I said, no, it's the old one. I have the new one. You can't drink here, darling, and I'm keeping your ID.

But you went to high school in Iowa. Your father, Bra---y, donated 125$ to a campaign for Iowa State House representative, republican, Carmine Boal. You were a a page at the Iowa State House for a bit too. You did grow up on ---- NW --nd Place-- in Polk City IA 50226.

It does have a very nice photo on it, better than the real Maryland machines take. And you were sweet and sad and smiley, in that friendly Iowa way - even though you're a republican. I'm sure you cursed me when I was out of sight.

Maybe, some day, you'll come back to the castle, when you're 21, with your totally real Iowa ID, and order that glass of Lucifer you so desire. Perhaps we can talk politics for a while. Maybe you'll know how to defend yourself.

*some of the names and numbers have been dashed out to protect this lady from the lunatics who are sending threatening email to me about her. Obviously this blog is good natured, and not intended to wreck lives. Hopefully we can all see the amusement in the small triumphs in life (like being good at one's job- even when it's just bartending), and not create some sinister intent to assign to humor. This blog post is the one referred to on slashdot, fark, and digg. See other blog posts for follow up, and related content.

Also, for those of you who are reading this and accusing me of some kind of stalking to find out about her affiliations, know this: I found it by chance when googling her address to see if it was actually real, and her name, to see if it corresponded to the information I found. If you think I put people at risk by publishing their addresses, first consider that the address was verified by public documents on campaign financing.


Ashley Heyer said...

Wow. I bet you never thought I, the girl you took the ID from, would ever see this post.

And hey, I'd like to let you know that there's no reason to be an asshole about my political affiliation. Though my father has donated money to members of the Republican party, I am not a member.

Ashley Heyer

Will, the date said...

What do we know from this post?

This bartender didn't keep the ID because, as she claimed, she didn't want to be liable for Ashley's later exploits. She kept it so she would have a record from which to cyberstalk her. Nevermind that she got the entirely wrong idea from her online sleuthing.


Rachel said...

I actually kept the ID because with a big enough collection we're going to re-do the ladies bathroom at the castle.

Notably, two minutes on google isn't cyber sleuthing, and if you work for the republicans, you're affiliated.

Mark said...

Hi I'm Mark I am dating Ashley. I am also a republican. A card carrying member of the party.

erin said...

Hi, I'm Erin, a friend of Rachel's. I don't carry political cards but I can say this, if you are stupid enough to get a fake ID, why on earth would you use your real name? Just seems silly cos then you are just asking for something like this to happen.

Put on your big panties and deal.

Rachel said...

Also, Ash, if you're really this furious, I'm going to dash out your name on the post so it won't appear when you search your name on google, and you can contact me if you'd like.

You obviously have my email, because the impressive swath of people who have accessed my blog from your facebook notes (the mapstats at the bottom of my blog tracks references, readers, and other statistics) have been subscribing magazines and random spam mail to my account. I'm not concerned, it's all fixed. They should worry about being prosecuted for identity theft if it continues.

I imagine these people are not you, but referred to this by you. I posted this all because it was amusing to me. Not to wreck your life.

Peace kiddo.

MS said...

I would also think twice about committing anymore identity fraud.

I think that all of you people from Facebook are contributing to Global Warming.

And not just because you are Republicans.

Justin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Fight the good fight rachel. And if you need help setup a paypal account and I have no doubt you'll find it in spades!

Anonymous said...

Of course, in the more civilised countries of Europe, the legal drinking age is ranges between 16 and 18. So we don't have this ridiculous problem of adults not being able to pop out for a quiet drink without having to fake some ID.

Anonymous said...

Awww, poor little criminals are upset that they got caught. She's probably just worried that daddy will find out.

To Justin: It's not a moral hangup, it's a legal hangup. But I suppose you'd rather see Rachel in jail for serving an underage person than see someone actually obey the laws of the country in which we live. As for Rachel assuming Ashley's political ideology, it was for a joke, I really don't think Rachel was serious.

Anonymous said...

Go Rachel! I hope all the best for you with this DMCA garbage from Ashley Heyer and her cronies. Your story made Slashdot, and there are literally tens of thousands of readers along with me who support you.

Dan said...


Schoolyard justice FTW.
One less lush in our political system.

Put the ID back up!

admin said...

For what it's worth,

You cannot copyright already illegal work. The DMCA notice send by the underage lawbreaker is null and void due to the fact that what she handed you is, in fact, illegal. You were well within your rights to take it from her.

You are also within your rights to post it without retouching it in a commentary news blog (which this is considered).

What you actually are not allowed to do is keep the physical ID for your new wallpapering job. All confiscated IDs must be turned into the local police dept per law.

So, go ahead and post the non-retouched ID, blog about what happened, add a joke or two; all completely legal. Just don't keep the ID.

And good work on spotting the little brat.

If she is dumb enough to go through the trouble of breaking the law for a beer, a beer is the last thing she needs.