Friday, April 20, 2007
Fake ID confiscation #5
Dear Ashley Hey-r,
There was no way you could've known. You had this really astoundingly good Maryland fake ID, and you were on a date with a boy who was over 21 and would show you the world of beer. Except, one hitch, me.
Something seemed wrong. Maybe it was the way the hologram reminded me of iridescent paper I had used once at an art studio, maybe it was how my old Maryland license had a bump where the rather ghetto real hologram was- and yours didn't.
So I asked you for a back-up ID. It was a NYU undergrad ID. Never the fool I asked, where did you go to high school? You replied, actually I went to school in Iowa.
No one from Pikesville goes to school in Iowa. I know, because I went to school with half of Pikesville. It's a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, which would also bring into question that altruistic organ donor choice. And the road, oh Ash, you couldn't have known that only rural or inner city (DC) roads are labeled like that. You definitely couldn't have guessed that I knew the road naming patterns from Pikesville, because I drove home so many kids from my high school, and developers are never creative.
You jumped to the rescue with, it's the new Maryland ID, and I said, no, it's the old one. I have the new one. You can't drink here, darling, and I'm keeping your ID.
But you went to high school in Iowa. Your father, Bra---y, donated 125$ to a campaign for Iowa State House representative, republican, Carmine Boal. You were a a page at the Iowa State House for a bit too. You did grow up on ---- NW --nd Place-- in Polk City IA 50226.
It does have a very nice photo on it, better than the real Maryland machines take. And you were sweet and sad and smiley, in that friendly Iowa way - even though you're a republican. I'm sure you cursed me when I was out of sight.
Maybe, some day, you'll come back to the castle, when you're 21, with your totally real Iowa ID, and order that glass of Lucifer you so desire. Perhaps we can talk politics for a while. Maybe you'll know how to defend yourself.
*some of the names and numbers have been dashed out to protect this lady from the lunatics who are sending threatening email to me about her. Obviously this blog is good natured, and not intended to wreck lives. Hopefully we can all see the amusement in the small triumphs in life (like being good at one's job- even when it's just bartending), and not create some sinister intent to assign to humor. This blog post is the one referred to on slashdot, fark, and digg. See other blog posts for follow up, and related content.
Also, for those of you who are reading this and accusing me of some kind of stalking to find out about her affiliations, know this: I found it by chance when googling her address to see if it was actually real, and her name, to see if it corresponded to the information I found. If you think I put people at risk by publishing their addresses, first consider that the address was verified by public documents on campaign financing.