Saturday, March 24, 2007

Fake Id confiscation #4 Florida


Oh Anne Fleming, your fake ID looked brand new. Your friends had just turned twenty-one. You, however, had not. You handed it to me and I recognized it like an ill-fated back-handed compliment. I simply said, "This is fake" while slipping it into my pocket. And you replied an unrehearsed, "Is it?"- as if you had never seen the ID either. Perhaps you are a Pisces, and "Anne" is really your darker half. The dark half would like some Belgian beer, or perhaps her ID back. No, I can't give you either. Why? The same tell-tale eagle/authentic hologram is on each fake they press on St. Marks. It looks like the printer was out of everything but green ink, apparently they've been busy. Me, too. Sorry about your night.
It's too bad; if you had a real ID, you could have been drinking on the veranda when Norah Jones showed up later. I ID'd her out of habit, even though I'd seen her here before. She's sweet. Oh, and my friend Jordan checked to see if there was a Navajo St in Miami-- you know, home of the Seminoles-- and there is. I was surprised. I wonder if you really grew up there after all.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Miami isn't the home of the Seminoles; Tallahassee is. Get a fucking map. Might as well say that New York City is the home of the Orange.

Your smug attitude about this is sickening. If someone gives you a fake, confiscate it. Posting it on the Net with a smug commentary just lessens you.

William Spieler said...

more importantly, that's the old Florida license that hasn't been issued for a few years.

Henry said...

Notwithstanding the Drivers license number is wrong, it would be F455-059-85-581-x as Florida generates through an algorithm (the first two digit number is birth year, the x is the sequence of people with your exact name and birthday). Also, I think by 2004 they'd switched over to the new format license.

Further since it was issued when she was 19 it would have the ubiquitous "Under 21 until 3/1/2006" in a red bar under the picture

PS Miami is the home of the Hurricanes, not the Seminoles

Anonymous said...

Dear anonymous poster #1: if the biggest thing you have to worry about is whether or not the author knows where the 'home of the Seminoles' is, then you lead a pretty good life. And my sock drawer is much more sickening than her attitude.

Rachel said...

Yes, I must admit, I don't know that much about Florida sports teams. Thanks for pointing that out.

But it was obvious that this ID was entirely fake. The hologram was a classic eagle/authentic one.

Anonymous said...

The eagle/authentic hologram is kind of funny. I've still got a small collection of those laminates somewhere - I forget who makes them, but they're easy to get. I worked for a small defense contractor, and the gate guards at the base I worked on (before they required centrally issued IDs) didn't like our company badges because they looked really fake, and in fact they were printed on an old, dying inkjet and were poorly laminated.

I whipped up a new, more official looking badge design in photoshop, and ordered some security laminates. Two vendors gave me samples of their whole line, the eagle/authentic ones included. I used a slightly different one for our badges. The whole thing was sanctioned by my boss, though I don't think the corporate office ever knew about it. Not that they ever questioned one when we visited.

I stuck one of the foil holograms on my Vons card just for fun. It's still there, and no one's ever looked twice at it. Makes me wonder how much good the ones on my credit cards really do, though.

BTW, any idea what UV features are supposed to be present on all of those cards? I'm pretty sure my license (from California) has an image of the state seal that glows under a black light. My Amex card and a bunch of other stuff in my wallet shows some form of marking or another, too.

Anonymous said...

i think this blog is funny, but the smug attitude is a tad overwrought. i mean, if you are going to be smug, you should be ridiculously smug, like take it to an artistic level. I garantee you'll quad-double your angry comments, and that equals success. ;)

Mike Berra said...

you are one sour girl. i've worked in the service industry for years - and sure you dont serve the kids, but confiscating the id's because you 'have' to? you're obviously about personal gain on this one. (see: obnoxiously placed google ads top center)

Mike Berra said...

i do like your paintings though.

Thomas Hauptmann said...

The zip code is wrong, too. Navajo St. is in 33166, in Hileah. 33180 is is Aventura. It's as different as East Village versus the Bronx.

Alan said...

Rachel, thanks for trying to save these kids from being obnoxious drunks or even worse, drunken victims of crime. Keep up the good work.

Jeff said...

While you're splitting hairs here the "Home" of the Seminoles in Florida would be Hollywood (just N. of Miami) as that is HQ of the
"Seminole Tribe of Florida". Tallahassee just happens to have a college with the Seminole Indian as it's mascot. Silly Florida sports fanatic, saying Tallahassee is the home of the Seminoles is like saying Gainesville is the home of alligators because their mascot is a "Gator"...doh! Oh yeah, if you really want to know the true home of the Seminoles then Google "Seminole Nation". I'll give you a hint....Oklahoma.

More to the point, I've enjoyed reading the story's with the confiscations, I think the people leaving negative comments have just been busted w/ fake ID's before and are still bitchy about it. I have some bartender friends that don't need to be loosing their jobs because some under age kid wants to be a grown-up. We also had some bartenders and owners in town that were tried and convicted over a traffic accident fatality of a minor who'd been drinking (3 minors + beer&wings = 1 death and 4 convictions). Keep it up Rachel, there's no telling how many lives you may have saved.

Jordan said...

You know what's funny about this - as a graphic artist I'm sure the fonts are a first sign of HEY! SOMETHING'S WRONG HERE! Not to mention the lamination lines - Florida licenses with the new style aren't shoddy laminates, the machines clean-cut the edges (or at least run tighter tolerances than the guys with the ID-card machines print).

I've got one of the old Florida licenses, and I get a lot of flak for it - but you'd think these people would bother photoshopping the fonts into the right proportions.

I'm going to be in NYC for a few months at the end of the year - thanks for highlighting an awesome beer place! If it wasn't for your DMCA notice, we'd just be resorting to The Room as always, haha.