Saturday, February 24, 2007

Birth Certificate #1 -

* I removed the image until I have time to photoshop blur some of the important information on it. check back soon.


Dear Aaron J----- N----, born on May 27th 1978,
Aaron, when I asked you for your ID, you said you had better things to do than get an ID made. You presented me with a social security card, a birth certificate, and some ID cards from various high paying jobs.
Aaron, when you went table to table shooshing the bar patrons, you didn't just piss them off, you cost me a lot of money as they left the bar. The quiet rule of the bar isn't for you to enforce, and was being followed. You were just drunk and being a jerk.
Your girlfriend's friends later claimed they don't like you. That's why I have your birth certificate, because they didn't feel like returning it to you.
Perhaps you should learn to tip better. Or at least write legibly on your receipt. I will consider holding your birth certificate at the bar, if you will consider that without it, you will have to take that time you didn't get an ID with, and get a new birth certificate, a rather consuming feat.

14 comments:

MS said...

You, man, have my birthday.
You shall represent the 27th of May with better class. And you shall stop leaving confusing tips.

Rachel could eat you.

Melissa

Sarah said...

hey melissa, this isnt the aaron who bought my motorcycle and then got a ticket on my registration and then never paid me the 140 bucks he owed me is it? is it?! because that name sounds familiar...and i would love to get my 140 bucks back. with leverage.

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah said...

oh wait, upon googling i now know why that name is familiar. this douchebag was one of the residents of this loft in bushwick that made its way into an obnoxious new york times article a few months ago. the article is unavailable at this point but this is a pretty good summation of it. its basically about a bunch of hipsters proud for being "pioneers" (their word!) in a not-quite-central-williamsburg neighborhood. a self congratulatory journey through living with non white-middle-class-hipster neighbors. oh yeah and theyre all artists, natch.

sometimes i hate the new york times. and by sometimes i mean the sunday styles section.

Sarah said...

my link got messed up. here's the blog post about the article.

Rachel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel said...

He came by for the bc tonight. Said he's never owned a motorcycle. Must've been someone else.. damn.

Anonymous said...

If you're going to censor the name on your blog like you did "Aaron J----- N----" then you should blur or black out the name on the birth certificate. It defeats the purpose to only censor 1 of 2 records.

Rachel said...

good point. I'll do that later tonight.

joseph said...

Let me guess what bar you work at, given the "quiet" rule and the beer descriptions.

Actually, let me not reveal it. But is the no loud talking rule by order of the monks?

~joseph

Anonymous said...

"It defeats the purpose to only censor 1 of 2 records."

That depends on whether you're trying to hide it from everyone or just hide it from Google.

Anonymous said...

So was he or was he not under-aged? nad if not why did you confiscate his birth certificate, if it's legit?

Rachel said...

I didn't confiscate the birth certificate. The kid left it at the bar after he got drunk and pissed off everyone in the bar. I found it, and later gave it back to him.

Anonymous said...

I have to say i feel you are a horrible lady. I am sorry to say this but you have the right to evict them but not to hold a leagal document and then post it! It is personal information, i would sue if this was me for infringing upon my rights. However i do beleive that you are correct in throwing them out so in some ways it balances out. However posting his perosnal information not a fake id with fake home addresses etc that doesn't matter but his actual birth certif, you should be ashamed.